21 Tweets About Having Kids That Are Funny Because They’re True

1. 2017 Resolution: spend more quality time with my son *son begins describing his 500 new Pokémon cards* Well, there’s always next year — Meh Lang ...
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I’m coaching my son’s soccer team because it’s important that he knows I’ll swear at other kids, too.

— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35)

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“I want a snack.” – my kids, while they’re eating

— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew)

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my 10yr old is doing laundry & I’m truly proud of her but also on the verge of a panic attack because she’s folding my shirts the wrong way

— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective)

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“I just think it’s weird that you have so much white hair. That’s kind of a grandma thing.” -7yo, and current least favorite child

— Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily)

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Parenting: 1st kid: Document their every move 2nd kid: forget to pick them up 99% of the time

— EricaTriesToTweet (@SteussieErica)

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Someone drew doughnuts on the bottom of the grocery list My wife thought it was cute so she bought them She doesn… https://t.co/iD8DluKsO2

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn)

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IF YOU KIDS DON’T COME BACK TO THIS TABLE AND FINISH YOUR LUNCH RIGHT NOW, I SWEAR I WILL SIGH HEAVILY, EAT IT MYSELF AND GAIN 3 POUNDS.

— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom)

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My son just asked me if cats can have babies when they aren’t married and I told him yes, but I honestly don’t know.

— Elizabeth (@Elizasoul80)

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My kids wanted a karaoke machine for Christmas-little did I know it would be for yelling in the mic “CAN WE HAVE A SNACK” when I’m upstairs.

— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss)

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[building a snowman with my kids] Me: Ok, who wants to put the arms in? Kids: *went inside 2 hours ago to play video games*

— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod)

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7yo: Daddy, have some pee juice! *throws cup full of liquid at me Me: 7yo: Me: 7yo: It wasn’t really pee Me: Thank you

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins)

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A parenting rite of passage is getting caught throwing away Happy Meal toys as they sing from their grave bc you didn’t turn the sound off.

— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses)

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Me: Ok, who got Oreo filling on the couch? Husband: 4: 7: Me: Well… 7: It really could have been any of us. 4: (licks couch)

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara)

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Not sure if I should be more concerned about the son who locked me out of my bedroom today, or the one who showed me how to pick the lock.

— Amy Dillon (@amydillon)

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Why I should accomplish all my goals today: 1) I’m motivated. 2) I’m ambitious. 3) I planned ahead. Why I won’t: 1) Kids

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn)

Cortesía de: BuzzFeed