1. People protesting the new Shapes.
Michelle (US): Someone is burning an unsatisfactory box of chips.
Beatriz (Spain): I guess someone was high and decided to cook something that seemed like a good idea at the time, but in the end was shit. This person didn’t mind because, actually, they were already in bed.
Victor (Russia): When you run out of logs in Straya you obviously use crackers to get warm.
Natalya (UK): Some sort of pagan sacrifice.
2. A redback spider biting a guy’s penis in a portaloo.
Alex (US): Honestly, this is the most Australian thing that could possibly happen. I’m not even surprised.
Michelle (US): Some breed of kangaroo attacked a man in a small town.
Beatriz (Spain): It’s OK, everyone has a sexual fantasy. I don’t judge.
Natalya (UK): Idk who is getting a worse deal here tbh.
3. Dami Im performing at Eurovision.
Erin (US): A BEAUTIFUL DISNEY PRINCESS IRL!
Guillermo (Spain): That’s Eurovision, right? Australian Bjork went there and you guys beat Spain because we suck.
Victor (Russia): This is easy. This was Australia’s song on Eurovision.
Natalya (UK): Australia at Eurovision should have been the first and only warning sign we needed to know that the world was coming to an end in 2016.
4. The Budgie Nine.
Alex (US): Oh hey! Just a typical day, hanging with the crew now, eh? It’s a giant frat party with the extra fun addition of “budgy smugglers,” and I don’t even want to know what that means.
Victor (Russia): Annual Australian Beachwear Parade.
Natalya (UK): Just lads on tour.
5. Bernard Salt’s smashed avo hot take.
Erin (US): How is this any different from anyone living in a major city?
Beatriz (Spain): He is totally right. I stop eating avocado two months ago and now I own Amancio Ortega’s company Inditex.
Victor (Russia): I can say only one thing – BLAME MILLENIALS.
Natalya (UK): I’m going to spit out my avocado directly onto a mortgage right now.
6. Bill Shorten eating his sausage sizzle wrong.
Michelle (US): This man is an idiot. Who eats a sandwich starting from the middle?
Alex (US): This guy’s a politician, right? Honestly, I can’t say anything bad because we just nominated Donald Trump as our president, so anything your politicians do seems normal comparatively.
Victor (Russia): This has to be some politician who tries to have lunch as a normal person.
Natalya (UK): This is the face of a man who has made bad some bad decisions throughout his lifetime.
7. Dr Karl doing a shoey.
Michelle (US): A very drunken man has mistaken a shoe for a glass.
Erin (US): Oh fuck. Been there.
Guillermo (Spain): When the play “These Boots Were Made For Walking” and you are KILLING IT.
Victor (Russia): Is this what you do when you break up?
8. The guy punching a kangaroo to save his dog.
Beatriz (Spain): This is the best video ever. I love how the kangaroo looks like the bad guy at school who always bullied everyone and finally gets what he deserves. He is so surprised, like “wtf, you are like the kid from the science club, wtf”.
Guillermo (Spain): Just another day in Australia.
9. The most Australian interview ever.
Erin (US): Honestly, I think Florida and Australia are exactly the same place, but with different accents.
Alex (US): You guys just love idolising men running around in their underwear.
10. The teen who was worried about his mum finding out he was attacked by a shark.
Victor (Russia): ???
Natalya (UK): I wonder what his mum is like, if he’s more scared of her finding out about him being attacked by a shark than the shark itself?
12. The 75kg halal snack pack.
Alex (US): Get me a seat at that table, because I’m flying the full 24 hours to make it to this party. What a glorious feast!
Beatriz (Spain): Imminent heart attack.
Guillermo (Spain): Heaven.
Victor (Russia): Oh, I like it. Would like same thing delivered to my door daily.
13. Spiderwebs a woman found while playing Pokemon Go.
Michelle (US): Spiders have taken over the world.
Guillermo (Spain): I hope somebody burned that fucking place to the ground. And then bombed it. And then burned it again.
Victor (Russia): Spiders. Spiders. Spiders. Australia, how do actually survive?
Natalya (UK): Nononononononnoo onnonono nooo no thank you.
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