21 Fucking Good Tweets That Will Make You Say “Me With Food”

1. The fire alarm’s gone off at Westfield Stratford and these girls have walked out of Nando’s with their plates. Prio… https://t.co/FRiB6nVoQg ...
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I’m currently helping my husband look for his chocolates that I ate last Friday.

— jj hartinger (@jjhartinger)

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I WILL STRIKE DOWN UPON THEE WITH GREAT VENGEANCE & FURIOUS ANGER THOSE WHO- “Here’s your McFlurry, sir. Sorry for the wait” OH THAnk you

— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective)

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I stay strapped

— alien (@trillowpet)

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[Stares deeply into date’s eyes before going to the bathroom] “I’ve counted these fries.”

— Spanky McDutcherson (@thatdutchperson)

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a girl at this yoga studio just took a cupcake out of her locker took a bite of it and put it back in

— pascalle (@frenchielaboozi)

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I ate fun dip with my fingers last night and I’m stained and Grammys are tomorrow. I’ve tried everything please help

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen)

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listen. i fuckin–look at me–i fu–LOOK AT ME IN MY EYES–i fucking love coconut

— tara shoe (@tarashoe)

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[drive thru] McDonald’s employee: Have a good night me: I love you too

— Josh (@iwearaonesie)

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Someone left his phone at my friend’s work.

— Kat (@katobell)

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*walks up to microphone during wedding reception* *taps on mic; everyone smiles* “Anyone that doesn’t want their cake, pass it to me please”

— Aimee Helene (@AimeeHelene1)

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ME: There’s no i in team but there is one in pizza WIFE: so you’re not going to share ME: I am not going to share

— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod)

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Parmesan Sir? “Yes please” Say when. *Grates Parmesan* Sir? “…” *Grates fingers* SIR? “…” *Grates entire hand* Please…I have a family.

— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS)

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[spills whole tub of salsa on cat] Oh dang [grabs chip] Hold still [cat starts running away] I SAID HOLD STILL

— Jake (@jake_likes_naps)

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When Dominos said they’d be 45 minutes but it’s been 50.

— Ollie Garch (@ojedge)

Cortesía de: BuzzFeed