We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community about the things that annoy them the most in sex scenes in movies and TV shows. Here are the worst offenders.
Heads up: These responses mostly refer to heterosexual sex between cisgender men and women — because the representation of LGBT sex on screen is a whole other can of worms.
1. First of all, no one ever talks about protection or birth control, because apparently, pregnancy and STIs are not a concern.
Is every woman on the pill? Is it just assumed that every couple discusses their STI statuses in between the hot and heavy groping session in the elevator on the way to have passionate wordless sex in the protagonist’s apartment?
2. And no one talks about what they want at all. Everyone just communicates through lusty eye contact and ~knows~ immediately what the other person likes.
WHO NEEDS VERBAL COMMUNICATION, AM I RIGHT?
3. In fact, nobody seems to be worried about consent in general. It’s just kind of assumed everyone wants sex all the time.
4. Removing clothes is always easy and sexy, instead of being the MOST TEDIOUS AWKWARD PART.
If it’s not full on stripping, it’s perfectly choreographed frantic ripping-and-throwing on the way to the bed. YEAH, SURE.
5. Ditto with making shower sex look sooo easy rather than a TOTAL LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE.
Somehow, no one accidentally trips or winds up cold outside the stream of water. Because MAGIC.
6. Women always have cute matching lingerie on, even if the sex was spontaneous.
No one gets caught having sex on laundry day, apparently.
7. Everyone just skips the foreplay, and yet all parties are just READY TO GO immediately.
8. And guys are always able to enter their partner in one swift movement.
Because yeah, it’s always as easy as one thrust for the penis to magically find the vagina. No fumbling or guidance needed~
9. The couple is always perfectly face-to-face, even when there’s an obvious height difference.
Like, I get that ~intense eye contact~ is all cinematic, but how on earth are they achieving penetration when they’re at eye level with each other? NO DICK IS LONG ENOUGH TO MAKE THAT DISTANCE.
10. Lube simply does not exist.
You’d think they’d need it since there’s never any foreplay, but I guess movie and TV characters are a bunch of fucking masochists who like dry penetration.
11. And neither do sweat glands, apparently, because people manage to have wildly athletic sex without breaking a sweat.
12. Everyone moans like their life depends on it.
If you’re not letting out a bunch of sultry porn star moans, are you REALLY having sex?
13. It’s super easy to make women orgasm through, like, 30 seconds of penetrative missionary sex.
14. No one laughs, ever. Instead, sex has to be Incredibly Serious and Intense at all times.
No giggling at accidental gaffs like head bumps or falling off the bed or screwing up a position change. No laughing fits. NOTHING.
15. Ditto with hilarious bodily noises like queefs or farts or the slap of skin. NONEXISTENT.
16. The main sexual move appears to be rolling around together while seemingly not actually having sex.
So. Much. Rolling.
17. Women always keep their bras on — or get back into their bra and panties, like, immediately after sex.
18. Orgasms are always simultaneous, obviously.
19. And on that note, everyone always comes.
Very realistic. Sure.
20. That one moment when sex is over when both characters fall back against the pillows in simultaneous satisfaction.
Like, what were they doing? Sitting at the end of the bed together? What position makes this possible????
21. Everyone’s hair and makeup is always on point after the deed is done.
Not even a bit of smeared eyeliner.
22. After sex, the dreaded post-coital L-shaped sheet formation makes an appearance.
YOU KNOW, when somehow, the sheet is perfectly arranged to be covering the woman’s chest and the man’s groin, but while still showing off his impeccable chest.
23. Afterwards, there’s never any cleanup and no one pees. Just STRAIGHT TO BED.
It must be nice not to have to worry about UTIs or wet spots!!
24. And lastly, this scene that is just so fucking universal it hurts:
A man and a woman. They give each other some look at a bar or restaurant. It may involve a wink or seductively sucking down a drink. Then, inevitably, there’s a cut scene to them bursting into their apartment making out or banging. Every. Damn. Time.
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