Disasters You Can Expect Now That Marriage Equality Is Here

1. Same-sex marriage is now legal in the United States! Most people are excited about it, but there is a vocal minority who are worried about what this ...
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1. Same-sex marriage is now legal in the United States! Most people are excited about it, but there is a vocal minority who are worried about what this means for our fine country…

5. Iceland’s parliament voted unanimously to legalize same-sex marriage in 2010. Only 4 years after this ruling, these pictures were taken and posted on Instagram by the police department in Iceland’s capital, Reykjavik.

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Iceland distracts itself by detaching from reality and burying its collective head in books. In fact, there are five books published for every 1,000 citizens – more than any other country.

Iceland is also very good at presenting a brave face to researchers. The World Happiness Report has managed to come away with the frankly laughable impression that Iceland is the second-happiest country in the world.

8. The Netherlands made same-sex marriage legal in 2001.

The Netherlands made same-sex marriage legal in 2001.

9. In addition to having to endure same-sex marriage, the people of the Netherlands have consistently had to endure being listed among the 10 happiest countries in the world by the World Happiness Report.

In addition to having to endure same-sex marriage, the people of the Netherlands have consistently had to endure being listed among the 10 happiest countries in the world by the World Happiness Report.

The Netherlands also persists in its perverse obsession with bicycles, fine cheese, and nice flowers. In fact, 75% of the world’s flower bulb production comes from Netherlands.

10. Belgium legalized same-sex marriage on June 1, 2003.

Belgium legalized same-sex marriage on June 1, 2003.

11. But their nightmare didn’t end there. Four years later, a UNICEF report ranked Belgium as the “best country for children’s educational well-being.”

But their nightmare didn’t end there. Four years later, a UNICEF report ranked Belgium as the “best country for children’s educational well-being.”

Just thinking about all those insufferable, overeducated youths is enough to make you weep for the future of humanity.

12. Spain legalized same-sex marriage on July 3, 2005.

Spain legalized same-sex marriage on July 3, 2005.

This set in motion a devastating series of events that led to a result that Spaniards are still shaking their heads about. In 2009, a poll of 15,000 people conducted by a global research firm determined that Spain has the best lovers in the world.

13. A mere 8 years after the ruling, the Spanish wine industry, which had clearly gone completely insane after the change, topped the world rankings. Spanish vineyards produced enough wine to fill 6.7 billion bottles.

A mere 8 years after the ruling, the Spanish wine industry, which had clearly gone completely insane after the change, topped the world rankings. Spanish vineyards produced enough wine to fill 6.7 billion bottles.

Also, every afternoon, following lunch, Spanish people take naps, en masse. There is basically a nap epidemic in Spain. A siesta scourge.

14. Canada introduced same-sex marriage on July 20, 2005, despite being the most educated country in the world.

Canada introduced same-sex marriage on July 20, 2005, despite being the most educated country in the world.

Six years later, the stalwart resilience of Canadians in the face of a national crisis was poignantly demonstrated: A 2011 study found that 9 out of 10 Canadians aged 12 or over were “satisfied or very satisfied” with their lives.

15. Norway legalized same-sex marriage on January 1, 2009. All they’ve managed to do since is come in #1 in the Human Development Index (HDI), the UN’s measure of quality of life for all the world’s nations, every year.

Norway legalized same-sex marriage on January 1, 2009. All they've managed to do since is come in #1 in the Human Development Index (HDI), the UN's measure of quality of life for all the world's nations, every year.

Their apparent obsession with “love” has also led to Norway being named the most peaceful country, according to the Global Peace Index.

16. On May 29, 2013, France joined the ranks of countries that allowed same-sex marriage.

On May 29, 2013, France joined the ranks of countries that allowed same-sex marriage.

17. Their lives shattered by the ruling, French people turned to each other for comfort. How else to explain the 2014 finding that 87% of French people knew someone they could rely on in times of need?

Their lives shattered by the ruling, French people turned to each other for comfort. How else to explain the 2014 finding that 87% of French people knew someone they could rely on in times of need?

Ironically, tourists flocking to France to commiserate over their national disaster have made it the most popular tourist destination in the world, but the French psyche has clearly never recovered – they now make over 1,000 different kinds of cheese, an obvious sign of severe mental anguish.

18. Uruguay became the 14th country to legalize same-sex marriage on August 5, 2013.

Uruguay became the 14th country to legalize same-sex marriage on August 5, 2013.

19. Jose Mujica, the cynical Uruguayan president who allowed this to happen, also donates 90% of his salary to people in need.

Jose Mujica, the cynical Uruguayan president who allowed this to happen, also donates 90% of his salary to people in need.

Perhaps if Uruguay didn’t value education so cheaply that they GIVE IT AWAY FOR FREE, this could have been avoided, but the damage is already done.

20. New Zealand made same sex marriage legal in 2013, 120 years after making the equally questionable decision to become the first country to give women the right to vote.

New Zealand made same sex marriage legal in 2013, 120 years after making the equally questionable decision to become the first country to give women the right to vote.

What have all those happily married same-sex couples and freely voting women done with their country? Not much, other than making it the 2nd least corrupt, and the 4th safest country in the world.

21. Finland made same-sex marriage legal in November of 2014.

Finland made same-sex marriage legal in November of 2014.

22. This is probably why they could only manage a pathetic third place in the Corruption Perception Index last year. Apparently having the third least corrupt government is “good enough” for Finland.

This is probably why they could only manage a pathetic third place in the Corruption Perception Index last year. Apparently having the third least corrupt government is "good enough" for Finland.

To emphasize Finland’s disastrous slide into depravity, they only managed to come in 5th place in best overall education in the world last year, and are barely hanging onto their number one spot in the world rankings of press freedom.

23. In May of 2015, Ireland became the first country to legalize same-sex marriage by popular referendum.

In May of 2015, Ireland became the first country to legalize same-sex marriage by popular referendum.

Proving that the people of Ireland, which ranks #1 overall according to the Good Country Index, and 10th in best places in the world to grow up, clearly have no idea what the hell they are doing…

Cortesía de: BuzzFeed

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